Great read, Patrick. I’ve spent more than 37 years in the workforce, and for most of that time success meant being someone people could count on. You stayed, figured things out, and carried what needed carrying. After a while, endurance starts to feel like part of your character, which may be why questioning the work can feel like questioning who you are.
Your distinction between hard and impossible matters. I don’t think most people are afraid of hard work. They’re afraid that admitting the conditions have become impossible means they’ve somehow become less capable or less loyal.
Leaving doesn’t erase the years you gave or the care you brought to them.
Leaving an impossible situation for nurses means they are leaving behind an identity that defined their professional credentials. This also applies to other professions.
I wanted this article to speak about inherited ideas of what success looked like because we grew up with a measure that may have never been ours to begin with.
Recognizing this is the first step in redefining how we view and truly measure success. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
This really speaks to the heart of so many nurses’ experiences…my own included.
Redefining success on our own terms takes courage, especially when we’ve spent years measuring ourselves by someone else’s standards. Loving the profession doesn’t mean we have to accept every working condition. Honoring our own well-being is not a betrayal of our calling.
Thank you for giving nurses permission to imagine a different future.🩷
It made me think how often we spend years chasing someone else’s definition of success without ever stopping to ask ourselves what success actually looks like for us.
Losing our hotel, almost everything we owned and having to start again in our fifties changed my perspective completely. Years ago, I would probably have talked about business, achievement and financial security. Now, success feels much simpler. Waking up by the sea with Tim and Charlie Brown, writing every day, helping people through my tarot and astrology readings, travelling in Bennie, renovating houses together and having the freedom to choose how I spend my time.
I still want to build something, but these days it’s a life that feels right rather than one that simply looks successful from the outside.
Thank you for sharing this. It really made me reflect on how much my own definition has changed over the years. 🌹
When we own someone else’s definition of success, it prevents us from asking what our own definition might look like. Not because we do not want to, but because the other is so ingrained, we never realize it was never ours to begin with.
I am glad this spoke to you, and I am glad you are living a life where you get to measure what success looks like for you and your family.
Thank you, Patrick. I’m getting there. The aftermath of our old life still catches up with us from time to time, but it no longer overshadows everything else. These days I find joy in much simpler things, and strangely, they feel far richer than the life I thought I wanted all those years ago. 🌹
Patrick, I see you're a Board-Certified Coach like I am. I hope you're enjoying your career move.
So many nurses end up in other work besides nursing because of the work situation and that's a shame. From the coaching I've done with those in healthcare in general, there is a tendency to take care of everyone and everything else first and not to prioritize their own needs and self-care and the work environment only contributes to this. I hope you're helping many.
Hi Melanie - yes, I would agree and from personal experience.
We often look at nurses as role models for healthy lifestyles.
Sadly, given the work schedule, family obligations, and unhealthy coping, this is not always the case.
To your point, nurses are consumed with taking care of others; it becomes easy to neglect their own needs.
What really needs to happen is nurses need to work in a system that values their health and wellness as much as their ability to care. When that gets fixed, maybe then we can begin working on how to position nurses for a healthier life.
Thank Patrick. I needed this to finally decide. But the thought of being disloyal held me for a while. I am not taking away what this piece is really about. 🙏🏼
The hardest question is rarely when to leave. It is why. When is about timing. You can put it on a calendar.
Why is about meaning. It asks what has changed, what is no longer true, and what you’re trying to protect or become.
Many people stay stuck because they keep searching for the perfect moment to leave. But no date can make the decision easier if the reason is still unclear. Until you make peace with why, when will always feel too early, too late, or too painful.
Sometimes leaving feels like betrayal because we confuse loyalty with permanence. We believe that if something once helped us, we owe it forever. But loyalty is not the same as refusing to grow. A season can be meaningful without becoming permanent.
Success is not a ceiling you finally reach and stay under. It is a ladder. Every step gives you a better view, but it also asks whether you are willing to climb again.
This is exactly the distinction I think a lot of people are missing. When is timing. Why is meaning. You can circle a date on a calendar and still feel completely unready, because the date on the calendar was never the problem - it was readiness.
The point about loyalty and permanence stays with me too. We do treat anything that once helped us as something we owe forever, when a season can matter deeply and still be a season.
Thank you for naming why the disloyalty framing held you for a while. That tells me the writing had meaning. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
I really enjoyed reading this, especially where you question the definitions we inherit without ever consciously choosing them.
It also left me wondering how many of the hardest decisions aren't really about leaving a job or changing direction at all. Sometimes they're simply the moment an old way of seeing things no longer makes quite as much sense as it once did.
From there, different possibilities have a way of appearing on their own.
Thank you for sharing this perspective. The moment the old way of seeing no longer makes sense is really more than the decision itself.
The decision often follows in that moment before.
I really like the idea that different possibilities appear on their own after that. It suggests the work is not forcing a choice, but rather, noticing when the lens has stopped working.
This really resonated with me. After leaving a 25-year corporate career, I realized the hardest part wasn’t learning new skills—it was letting go of someone else’s definition of success. Your distinction between “hard” and “impossible” is powerful. Thank you for putting words to something so many people experience but struggle to explain.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this important piece. I am glad the message spoke to you. Twenty-five years in a corporate career is a long time to operate in someone else’s measure of success. The letting go after so long is where the real courage lives.
Thank you for calling attention to the hard vs. impossible distinction. These words were intentional because there are people (like you and me) who understand the difference. Your comments represent what I hoped the piece would do.
Thank you, Patrick. That means a lot. I think many of us spend years achieving goals we never stopped to question. The hardest part isn’t changing careers—it’s giving ourselves permission to redefine what success looks like. I’m grateful for writers like you who help put words to that journey.
Sometimes the wisdom of time makes these decisions easier. While I questioned what success looked like as a younger person, the reality hits harder when you discover that a good majority of your career (25 years for you) has been spent living under someone else's definition. You said the hardest part is giving permission. That is the truth - right there. Thank you for this great conversation.
"Success is a definition, and most of us never wrote our own."
That line stayed with me. Sometimes the hardest career decision isn't leaving a job, it's letting go of someone else's definition of success.
And that letting go is where the work begins.
What I have found is that defining my own definition of success is very different from what I learned.
And, in some cases, freeing.
Great read, Patrick. I’ve spent more than 37 years in the workforce, and for most of that time success meant being someone people could count on. You stayed, figured things out, and carried what needed carrying. After a while, endurance starts to feel like part of your character, which may be why questioning the work can feel like questioning who you are.
Your distinction between hard and impossible matters. I don’t think most people are afraid of hard work. They’re afraid that admitting the conditions have become impossible means they’ve somehow become less capable or less loyal.
Leaving doesn’t erase the years you gave or the care you brought to them.
This is so true. JP.
Leaving an impossible situation for nurses means they are leaving behind an identity that defined their professional credentials. This also applies to other professions.
I wanted this article to speak about inherited ideas of what success looked like because we grew up with a measure that may have never been ours to begin with.
Recognizing this is the first step in redefining how we view and truly measure success. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
This really speaks to the heart of so many nurses’ experiences…my own included.
Redefining success on our own terms takes courage, especially when we’ve spent years measuring ourselves by someone else’s standards. Loving the profession doesn’t mean we have to accept every working condition. Honoring our own well-being is not a betrayal of our calling.
Thank you for giving nurses permission to imagine a different future.🩷
Thank you for giving voice to this issue.
This is really a universal message that can truly apply to anyone.
The message is that we get to define what success looks like.
We equally get to honor our well-being while creating a professional pathway that does not take everything we have.
Thank you for your reflective comment.
Patrick, I really enjoyed reading this.
It made me think how often we spend years chasing someone else’s definition of success without ever stopping to ask ourselves what success actually looks like for us.
Losing our hotel, almost everything we owned and having to start again in our fifties changed my perspective completely. Years ago, I would probably have talked about business, achievement and financial security. Now, success feels much simpler. Waking up by the sea with Tim and Charlie Brown, writing every day, helping people through my tarot and astrology readings, travelling in Bennie, renovating houses together and having the freedom to choose how I spend my time.
I still want to build something, but these days it’s a life that feels right rather than one that simply looks successful from the outside.
Thank you for sharing this. It really made me reflect on how much my own definition has changed over the years. 🌹
When we own someone else’s definition of success, it prevents us from asking what our own definition might look like. Not because we do not want to, but because the other is so ingrained, we never realize it was never ours to begin with.
I am glad this spoke to you, and I am glad you are living a life where you get to measure what success looks like for you and your family.
Thank you, Patrick. I’m getting there. The aftermath of our old life still catches up with us from time to time, but it no longer overshadows everything else. These days I find joy in much simpler things, and strangely, they feel far richer than the life I thought I wanted all those years ago. 🌹
Srong message about our definition of success Patrick
We somehow learn along the way that success is this or that
I believe it's this and that
An ecosystem we build
Thanks for sharing your perspective
Thank you, Andrew.
Just so you know, you got me thinking about ecosystems, and I love it.
Awesome Patrick
My forward looking strategy is around You Unlimited…the personal ecosystem you build for all the parts of your life to work together
This is such a great idea. I am excited to see this unfold.
Patrick, I see you're a Board-Certified Coach like I am. I hope you're enjoying your career move.
So many nurses end up in other work besides nursing because of the work situation and that's a shame. From the coaching I've done with those in healthcare in general, there is a tendency to take care of everyone and everything else first and not to prioritize their own needs and self-care and the work environment only contributes to this. I hope you're helping many.
Hi Melanie - yes, I would agree and from personal experience.
We often look at nurses as role models for healthy lifestyles.
Sadly, given the work schedule, family obligations, and unhealthy coping, this is not always the case.
To your point, nurses are consumed with taking care of others; it becomes easy to neglect their own needs.
What really needs to happen is nurses need to work in a system that values their health and wellness as much as their ability to care. When that gets fixed, maybe then we can begin working on how to position nurses for a healthier life.
I appreciate your comment.
Thank Patrick. I needed this to finally decide. But the thought of being disloyal held me for a while. I am not taking away what this piece is really about. 🙏🏼
The hardest question is rarely when to leave. It is why. When is about timing. You can put it on a calendar.
Why is about meaning. It asks what has changed, what is no longer true, and what you’re trying to protect or become.
Many people stay stuck because they keep searching for the perfect moment to leave. But no date can make the decision easier if the reason is still unclear. Until you make peace with why, when will always feel too early, too late, or too painful.
Sometimes leaving feels like betrayal because we confuse loyalty with permanence. We believe that if something once helped us, we owe it forever. But loyalty is not the same as refusing to grow. A season can be meaningful without becoming permanent.
Success is not a ceiling you finally reach and stay under. It is a ladder. Every step gives you a better view, but it also asks whether you are willing to climb again.
This is exactly the distinction I think a lot of people are missing. When is timing. Why is meaning. You can circle a date on a calendar and still feel completely unready, because the date on the calendar was never the problem - it was readiness.
The point about loyalty and permanence stays with me too. We do treat anything that once helped us as something we owe forever, when a season can matter deeply and still be a season.
Thank you for naming why the disloyalty framing held you for a while. That tells me the writing had meaning. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
🙌🏼
I really enjoyed reading this, especially where you question the definitions we inherit without ever consciously choosing them.
It also left me wondering how many of the hardest decisions aren't really about leaving a job or changing direction at all. Sometimes they're simply the moment an old way of seeing things no longer makes quite as much sense as it once did.
From there, different possibilities have a way of appearing on their own.
Thank you for sharing this perspective. The moment the old way of seeing no longer makes sense is really more than the decision itself.
The decision often follows in that moment before.
I really like the idea that different possibilities appear on their own after that. It suggests the work is not forcing a choice, but rather, noticing when the lens has stopped working.
Thank you for adding this perspective.
How do we define succuss? Great question.
" If success has always meant staying, enduring, and being rewarded, leaving an impossible job can feel like disloyalty."
...Job, career, service ministry...
Leaving is hard for the "faithful" (Labrador personality)
This really resonated with me. After leaving a 25-year corporate career, I realized the hardest part wasn’t learning new skills—it was letting go of someone else’s definition of success. Your distinction between “hard” and “impossible” is powerful. Thank you for putting words to something so many people experience but struggle to explain.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this important piece. I am glad the message spoke to you. Twenty-five years in a corporate career is a long time to operate in someone else’s measure of success. The letting go after so long is where the real courage lives.
Thank you for calling attention to the hard vs. impossible distinction. These words were intentional because there are people (like you and me) who understand the difference. Your comments represent what I hoped the piece would do.
Thank you, Patrick. That means a lot. I think many of us spend years achieving goals we never stopped to question. The hardest part isn’t changing careers—it’s giving ourselves permission to redefine what success looks like. I’m grateful for writers like you who help put words to that journey.
Sometimes the wisdom of time makes these decisions easier. While I questioned what success looked like as a younger person, the reality hits harder when you discover that a good majority of your career (25 years for you) has been spent living under someone else's definition. You said the hardest part is giving permission. That is the truth - right there. Thank you for this great conversation.